Hello Single Mom Life.
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Hey guys, long time no write. Single mom reporting to you guys now. The past two weeks have been hell for me, but I believe I have finally made it through. For now.
Where Have I Been?
In the past two weeks, I’ve become a true single mom. The man in my son’s life (not his bio dad) decided he wasn’t in it anymore and wanted to separate. Nothing really happened, no big fights or anything, he was just acting different, and I asked him what he wanted to do. He decided he didn’t want to do it anymore, and things just weren’t “how he thought they would be”? Whatever that was supposed to mean.
What Was My Solution?
So I missed a week of work, trying to figure out who was going to watch my son. I was caught in the issue of making too much money to qualify for childcare assistance through the state, but not making enough to put my son in daycare full time. In that week, I really thought I was going to lose my job, lose everything and have to move. By the graces of God, I am still working and haven’t lost anything. I found a really awesome Groupon to put my bubble in a nice center for a month, and during that month I’ll be searching for a cheaper, in home daycare for him.
What About Joe?
He hasn’t moved out yet. Even though I feel like he really screwed me and almost cost me my job, I don’t want to just kick him out on the streets. But I told him he only has a month max to find out where to go and what he’s doing. I don’t want my son to be confused. I need my son to be able to let go of their bond as soon as possible. Which really hurts, but it is what it is.
How I’m Doing
I’ve been exhausted.. Waking up at 530 or 6 every morning, getting myself ready for work, waking bubble up for breakfast and a diaper, getting him dressed and ready for daycare. Then dropping him off and going to work all day. Picking him up after work, getting him ready for the next day and hanging out until we fall asleep. I guess it doesn’t really sound like a whole lot, but when you do literally everything by yourself, it gets hard. Man, I am going to really cherish the weekends when I get Ezra all to myself.
What The Future Holds
I am probably going to look for low income housing and just figure out ways to lower all and any costs so that I can afford daycare and start saving and really working on a future for bubble and I. When all of this happened a couple weeks ago, I was just really bummed because I thought I had already gotten through my struggles. I got my degree, and worked up from days of living in my car, started making money to support myself and pay my own bills without any government assistance. Now I just feel like I fell backwards and have to go through this all over again. I’m ready though. I’m ready to work my ass off so Bubble can have a good life and know how much I love him. I will do anything to give him the world.
I’m just trying to see this as a journey. I don’t feel alone. Honestly, I feel relieved and less stressed being able to call all the shots with my son. I just don’t ever want to disappoint him. Also, it’s comforting knowing my son will always be with me.
I think I’ve already dealt with the hurt of everything that happened. I just mainly hurt for Bubble, who really loved this man that was there since he was born. I was excited to think Bubble would have a father figure in his life, and now he doesn’t. I have a lot of support and great friends though. I plan on getting us out of the house a lot and being social so Bubble doesn’t feel like he’s missing anything. I feel strong. I feel ready to take on the world. But I also feel tired, hahahaha. Very, very tired.
If you guys have any single mom advice, or resources for me, give me a heads up!